Tuesday, 31 January 2012

Hand holding

Chris and Lucy came to visit yesterday - they spoilt the boys rotten with gifts! The boys particularly liked the bears holding a frame with a photo of Matthew and I in so the boys can see our faces when we're not there. Such a lovely idea. Love their little outifts too. Everyone has been so generous with them, such lucky little monkeys. They've had blankets, teddies, frames, bunnies, clothes, nappies and so much more - thank you so much to everyone.

Today I held Joseph and he was making proper baby noises as I held him against me. His head is probably a tiny bit bigger than a kiwi so I'm generally quite nervous when holding him but I think i'm getting more confident and his little noises were so sweet I couldnt help but give him a thousand kisses.

Xander's bloods showed he was low in Sodium so he needed a canula put in and some extra Sodium for 8 hours. I was there whilst the doctor was putting the canula in his arm...mistake, big mistake. I could hear him crying so I went to the other side of the incubator and held his hand whilst the evil doctor put the needle in his arm. He was crying so much and it took every ounce of inner strength not to push her off him and shout at her to stop hurting him. I realised when she was almost done that it was more like Xander holding my hand, than me holding his. He calmed down quite soon after she was done and she put him on his tummy - his favourite position so he could rest. I stroked his back for a while until he settled. I know I need to toughen up but watching him in pain and not being able to do anything about it is so hard. I held in the tears just long enough till I got in the car and then had a little cry for my babies. I want them at home so so much. They shouldnt be there with the doctors prodding and poking and....ok ok saving their lives.

Xander on a sipap break

 Joseph having a look around


  1. I know how hard that is Soph, we want to take away their pain and we can't do anything for them. The most important thing is they are getting the best care possible and each day a little stronger...and they won't remember any of this. Stay strong. Each day you are all in my prayers!!! Love you, Jess

  2. It is just the worst feeling, even more so as they are so little. I always think that the nurses handle them so roughly, but really I think it is that they are so used to it that the are just more confident about it. I LOVE your family picture!! So gorgeous, and the one of the boys holding hands? Oh my goodness, how lovely is that? How has work been about Matthew? Is he on paternity leave or has he had to go back?
    Where are the boys? Which hospital? Do you have to travel far to see them?

    So many questions, and gosh, what I would do to give you a huge hug right now. Your all doing so well. You should be uber proud of yourselves. All of you! Just an amazing, amazing family.