Today I held Joseph and he was making proper baby noises as I held him against me. His head is probably a tiny bit bigger than a kiwi so I'm generally quite nervous when holding him but I think i'm getting more confident and his little noises were so sweet I couldnt help but give him a thousand kisses.
Xander's bloods showed he was low in Sodium so he needed a canula put in and some extra Sodium for 8 hours. I was there whilst the doctor was putting the canula in his arm...mistake, big mistake. I could hear him crying so I went to the other side of the incubator and held his hand whilst the evil doctor put the needle in his arm. He was crying so much and it took every ounce of inner strength not to push her off him and shout at her to stop hurting him. I realised when she was almost done that it was more like Xander holding my hand, than me holding his. He calmed down quite soon after she was done and she put him on his tummy - his favourite position so he could rest. I stroked his back for a while until he settled. I know I need to toughen up but watching him in pain and not being able to do anything about it is so hard. I held in the tears just long enough till I got in the car and then had a little cry for my babies. I want them at home so so much. They shouldnt be there with the doctors prodding and poking and....ok ok saving their lives.
Xander on a sipap break
Joseph having a look around